What do you do when grief takes a hold of your heart and doesn’t want to let it go?
I’m writing this exactly one year after my father died.
His wasn’t a tragic death. In fact, we knew it was coming. Although, I don’t know if knowing made it any easier. There were some (many) days when the waiting was extremely painful. Can you imagine knowing that the inevitable is around the corner but you’re not sure exactly when, where or how it will show up? A bit unsettling, to say the least.
But eventually that day came. As it always does.
And today, I can’t help but cry. The tears are just flowing and it feels like there’s something stuck in my throat. It’s that feeling you get when you thought you were fine but you know deep down inside that you’re not really.
Tweet ThisBut you find ways to cope. To go on. To live. To shine in spite of the underlying grief.
Writing has been helping me and so I’ve written a lot since he died. For one, I started this blog. I also journal and occasionally write letters to him as a way of healing, I guess.
I realise that I use my writing as a way to move on. But you can’t rush these things, you know. You simply can’t.
Joy Comes in the Morning
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
The truth is, sometimes ‘a night’ is longer than you think. Or maybe, more accurately, you relive that night of weeping more than once. Over and over again. But the joy always comes. If even just in spurts.
While I don’t regret my father’s death, I admit that it is still painful. I understand that this is all a part of life, but sometimes I wish I could avoid the pain altogether. I also know that life isn’t just about the good times. How else would we appreciate the good if we didn’t have the ‘not-so-good’ along with it?
Light shines brightest in the dark
So today, even with tears streaming down my face, I want to celebrate my father’s life. I’m not going to allow the grief to dull my sparkle.
I know that my father would not want me to be downcast. I might moan and weep, but in spite of the pain, I rejoice: for the life that he lived and the love that lives on forever.
When the grief tries to take over, I remember my father. I remember who he was, how he lived and what he stood for. I remember what a strong man he was until the very end. And I find my own strength in the One who helps me stand. That is where I find strength to go on. And to shine.
Hope for you and me
If you’re hurting, please know that you’re not alone. Grief takes many different forms and undoubtedly, the healing process takes time. As I heal, I’m finding encouragement from others who have experienced grief and are helping others through it as well.
Here are a few of their stories:
Trusting God When It Really Hurts by Dawn Klinge of Above the Waves
Homeschooling Through Grief & Sorrow by Jennifer Bly at Deliberate Homeschooling
From Sorrow to Reflection by Jennifer Bly at The Deliberate Mom
I Thought I Knew Brokeness by Rebekah Hallberg at Sharing Redemption’s Stories
You can also check out these blogs that deal extensively with grief, loss and healing:
I pray that you will find a glimmer of hope in their words.
Wishing you healing, in His time!
If you know someone who might be encouraged by this post, please spread the shine by passing it on.
I love linking up with these amazing sites.
Congratulations on 1 year! 😁
Inspirational and upbeat!
Thanks, K! I’m honoured to have you visit. Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂
How we start our day sets the pace for the following hours.
We gotta indeed have faith, with all our heart and soul, that things happen for a reason.
We may hurt sometimes, but we can never lose hope.
Very inspiring, Marva. Thank you for sharing it!
Thank you, Debbie! You’re so right…sometimes the hurt and hope might coexist for a time but we can’t allow the hope to be crowded out.
I also lost my father last year. It was surreal but it happened. In his case, we didn’t know he was going to die. He just died in his sleep but the healing process takes time. It’s not something one can rush. Like you said, there is hope beyond grief. Our God still holds us through the grief. He never leaves us alone. Thanks for encouraging me through this post. I really appreciate it.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Jane. I can’t imagine what a difficult time this must have been for you but I’m so encouraged by the positive attitude you have. I pray that God continues to heal your heart and memories of your dad will bring you peace. Hugs!
I didn’t think to add this on my first comment, but I wrote a poem that you might like. It’s at:
https://plantedbylivingwater.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/broken-heart/
Ruth, your poem is absolutely beautiful. It was really sweet of you to share it with me and I hope that those who’ve faced loss will read it and be encouraged as well.
Blessings and smiles!
You are right about the night sometimes lasting a lot longer than we expect and about how the night just seems to revisit us. But praise God for His sufficient grace that helps us to be able to continue to live for Him and to have joy in the morning!
The Lord bless you and hold you close as you go through these difficult moments.
Praise God, indeed. His love and His grace are always sufficient, especially in those dark, lonely moments. Thank you for visiting and sharing an encouraging word, Ruth. You have blessed me today!
This is beautiful, Marva. I love your way with words and your honesty. Thinking of you and praying for you, dear friend! And…you are brave!! <3
Thank you, my sweet friend. You’re such a keeper! 🙂
I’m not sure that grieving ever really stops totally. I’m going on year 26 since my Daddy died. Occasionally tears will come still but much less than before. Now it’s mostly memories that I dwell on. I’m so thankful for them!
It will get better. I promise!
Jerralea, I pray that you will focus on the precious memories of your dad this Father’s Day weekend. I’m grateful that we can lift each other up in prayer!
Sending you hugs!
Marva,
I am convicted beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if your father were here, he would be so proud of what you have done in this space. He would love how you have found your joy and passed it along to many giving hope as you share where that joy comes from. You are such a precious friend!
Hugs,
Lori
That’s so very kind of you, Lori. I’d like to think so too. Thanks for featuring this on your #MomentsofHope linkup. I pray that it helped others find hope in the midst of healing.
I’m sure grateful for your friendship!
Hugs!!! 🙂
I’m so sorry for your loss, Marva. But you are right: joy does come in the morning! God is so gracious to help us through times of loss.
Thank you, Julie. I definitely appreciate your kind words. God is truly gracious and I’m glad he helped me get the courage to share my story of loss so that others can be encouraged.
Marva, I am saddened for your loss. I understand as it has been just over three years since I lost my Mama, yet 56 years since my Daddy died. I was a girl. Loss of parents is very hard no matter how long ago or whether the death was expected. They are our parents and we love them still. I miss my Daddy more now that Mama is gone too. Just the way I am wired, I guess. But God blesses us with joy in those mornings and I am so very grateful. The tears come and so does His joy! Hallelujah. I hold you in my prayers as this Father’s Day nears.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Thank you so much for keeping my in your prayers, Linda. I pray that you will be flooded with beautiful memories this Father’s Day. I imagine it doesn’t necessarily get easier but God’s grace is always near to get us through the rough patches. Hallelujah, indeed!
Hugs to you this weekend!
June is a hard month for many who have lost their dads. Mine included. Father’s Day is a time of celebration, but for people in the grieving process it doesn’t warrant a celebration. I’m going to share this today on FB as my Party at My Place pick for today to bring encouragement to others who are struggling with loss. Thanks for sharing Marva.
Oh wow, thanks for sharing this widely, Michelle and for making it your pick. I pray that you will find hope in Christ as you remember your dad this Father’s Day weekend. You’re right, it doesn’t feel much like a celebration but I pray that others will find encouragement through our healing. Hugs to you, my friend!
Oh Marva, may the Lord surround you with His presence and His strength. I’ve always loved that scripture about joy coming in the morning. It always brings so much hope. May the Lord lighten your grief this upcoming second year after your dear dad’s death. Pinning and tweeting today to get this good word out.
Thank you my dear friend. I pray that others will be encouraged especially during Father’s Day weekend. Hugs!
My prayers are with you, Marva. Those anniversaries can be so tough. 🙁 My own dad died on Valentine’s Day in 2010, and I still miss him. We definitely need to acknowledge our grief so we can properly heal even as we feel it.
Lisa, my heart goes out to you as well. I know that no matter how long, the pain still lingers. I pray that you will be encouraged by beautiful memories of your dad, especially as we recognise Father’s Day this weekend.
Thank you for being so sweet and encouraging!
Marva, this is a beautiful tribute to your dad–by acknowledging your grief , you remember him. I believe when we grieve, we live in both the present and past emotions–it’s giving live to both the blessed life you had with him, and the hard truth of your father’s death. It’s real and true and beautiful and I’m so moved by your words. How blessed we are to write that helps us connect with what and who is most important in our lives..writing is an altar, and your dad is right there to honor and hold and grieve his loss…I’m so moved by how you loved him, not everyone has such a gift of having a great dad! Blessings Marva!
That’s true, Kathy, I was (am) very blessed to have had such an amazing dad. He was by no means perfect but he loved me, my siblings and my mom, intensely. And I’m so grateful for the impact he’s had on my life.
Your words are such sweet encouragement to me, dear friend! Thank you!
Oh my goodness! I’ve been writing a lot on grief too, as my father passed just six months ago. I really appreciate your post. Thank you for this! You are so right…no timetable, but I’ve recently been feeling that my sparkle must also come back on. What a timely word for me! Blessings! Coming to you from #MomentsOfHope!
My heart goes out to you, Bonnie! I hope that you feel encouraged without any pressure to move on to quick healing. Every loss is different and I pray that God will reignite your spark in His time. Keep trusting Him. Feel the pain, cry, laugh and enjoy life’s precious moments. And I hope the happy moments will put a smile on your face.
Sending you a big, sisterly hug! 🙂
Sweet friend, I’m so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to grieve. I’m praying for you. I love your quote that your strength comes from the One who helps you stand!
Thank you, Valerie. I have to remember that the healing comes in His time– not mine!
I appreciate you!
Sweet friend, I’m so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to grieve. I’m praying for you. I love your quote that your strength comes from the One who helps you stand!
Valerie, thank you so much. It’s difficult during times like Father’s Day but I’m trying to focus on the special memories. God is so faithful and I know He’ll be right beside me to give me strength.
Beautifully done Marva! Your father would definitely be proud and I know your Heavenly Father is proud of you too! Thank you for sharing your heart and the courage to do so. I must say I am proud of you for doing this and I will be sharing in hopes of encouraging others. Blessings to you and yours… God is with you!
Thank you so much, Horace. I really appreciate your kind words and your encouragement along the way. It’s blogging buddies like you that add light to my journey. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful.
Sounds like you had a very precious daddy!
Praying that God will comfort you today and use you to comfort many others!
You are a blessing!
Thank you, Melanie. You are such a sweet and encouraging friend. Hugs!
This is beautiful Marva – I’m certain you’ve made your dad proud with your outlook. Grief is hard. There will be difficult days for sure but praise God for the comfort you have in the Lord.
Aww, how I wish I were there to give you a big hug. Thank you for sharing (and for including my posts here too).
xoxo
Thanks so much, Jennifer — I feel your hug from afar! 🙂
I’m grateful that you shared your own story of loss to help me see what it looks like to move forward in hope. I pray that you will always find joy in the morning, my friend!
He must have been an incredible man to raise you.
I rarely let grief come near me, and I’m not saying that’s a good thing. I gloss over my brother’s suicide date, my miscarriage date. But I think it would be better if I remembered and felt. The sparkle would diminish for a short while instead dimming long term.
I’m so sorry for those losses you’ve faced, Jennie. Dealing with loss is never easy but I realise that feeling the pain is part of the healing process.
I will be praying that God will keep your spark burning bright! Hugs!
Oh, Marva! I think he would have been so proud to see how you have chosen to celebrate the everyday brilliance and to encourage others to do the same. His was a life lived with hope and gratitude, always believing that ‘this too shall pass’ and joy will come in the morning. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and in so doing sharing his message of hope. Blessings to you, my sister. May we continue to stand in the One who is our living hope.
Carlie, I think you know how much those word mean to me! Thank you!!!