In our performance-driven culture it’s not far-fetched to make it our goal to have successful prayers. But is there a way to get it right? This business of praying?
For today’s Shining Like Stars Series, I have the honor of welcoming Michele Morin, a fellow writer whom I admire greatly. Michele shares openly about her own quest for successful prayers and what it exposed in her life. I pray you will be blessed by her words.
The Myth of a Successful Prayer Life
by Michele Morin
Spring showed up bleak and gray this year, but we barely noticed. The weight of waiting occupied every minute, with question marks bristling where daffodils had been delayed. An army of friends prayed for our family when we could not, waging war on our behalf, inquiring with kindness about obstacles that made no sense and resolution that did not come.
But then one day answers began to bloom. Seismic yeses from God felt like tectonic plates shifting beneath our feet, and the way before us was mercifully clear and certain.
In all the restless energy of waiting I had begun to feel like a failure—a failure at prayer! Then I wondered: Is this arrival of clarity a sign of success?
Instructions for a Successful Prayer Life
In North America, we are preoccupied with success on every front. Fear of missing the mark drives us to seek out recipes that guarantee a good outcome. Ironically, though, while prayer is happening all over the place in Scripture, there is very little instruction on the generalities beyond “pray like this” and “go into your room and shut the door.”
Instead, Jesus and the psalmists and the prophets were all busy doing the work of prayer, pouring out their hearts like water in supplication, celebration, or anticipation of what God would do next.
Jesus’s parable about the persistent widow in Luke 18 reveals the complexity of defining successful prayer. It seems, initially, to cast God in an unfavorable light as the judge who practiced equal opportunity indifference to the pleas of his citizens. Undaunted, the widow kept showing up at the judge’s door at all hours of the day and night. She would be heard, and Jesus commended her methods to his followers that day:
“We need to pray always and not to lose heart.”
Luke 18:1 NRSV
Successful Prayers Require Perseverance
Pastor and author Eugene Peterson added his own exhortation, for “the reality is that those who stick it out in this following-Jesus-faith-life, praying what we live and living what we pray, have learned how to handle what our uninstructed feelings would interpret as God’s non-response, God’s silence.”
This insight suggests a rubric for successful prayer that has absolutely nothing to do with answers but rather with praying and waiting and keeping on praying in spite of the silence.
Tweet ThisA “successful” prayer life perseveres in hope, knowing that the evil judge in Jesus’s parable is the exact opposite of the God of the universe who takes a long view of my spiritual formation.
With that in mind, I’m challenged to ask myself if, perhaps, the real answer to my own prayers in this season has been the work of waiting which was accomplished in my heart during our uncertain days of wrestling and scanning the horizon for a sign.
No Formula for Successful Prayers
In The Praying Life, Paul Miller laments, “American culture is probably the hardest place in the world to learn to pray.” With characteristic red, white, and blue gusto, we have linked success with independence when prayer is the epitome of dependence. God is too huge and incomprehensible to be reduced to an algorithm for achievement, and communication with God is not something to be “accomplished.”
When it comes to prayer, we are always beginners. In our understanding of the ways of God, every single encounter is brand new, and he will not be harnessed by a track record or a formulaic method or by a prayer-as-referendum mentality in which I can force his hand with the right number of prayer partners storming heaven on my behalf.
At least seventeen times in the psalms the words “How long?” bubble to the surface of prayers that float upward into the silence of God. Was it because the psalmist was a failure at prayer?
Or was something invisible happening in a heart that needed kingdom schooling in the beauty of these four words: “Thy will be done”? Before asking myself whether prayer works, let me first define my terms. Is prayer a lever for moving the universe according to my whims, or is it a tool for molding my will to God’s?
Jesus ends his story of the widow with a wistful question that wears on me like a pebble in the shoe: “When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” Will he find men and women who pray in faith, certain that God is never detached and never idle? Will he find families who persevere in prayer when answers don’t come?
Lord, teach us to pray—not so we can become “successful” in the practice of prayer; not so we can push and strive for the yes we seek. Teach us to pray so we can hear your voice singing over us as we are pulled further and deeper into an understanding of your kingdom, your power, and your glory.
Amen.
How about you?
Are successful prayers on your list of goals? Perhaps a sense of failure kicks in when you feel your prayers aren’t answered.
Join the conversation in the comments and let’s encourage one another to hold fast in ever watchful prayer.
Meet Michele
Michele Morin reads, writes, gardens, and does life with her family on a country hill in Maine. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for nearly 30 years, and together they have four sons, two daughters-in-love, two grandchildren, and one lazy St. Bernard.
Michele loves hot tea and well-crafted sentences, poems that stop her in her tracks and days at the ocean with the whole family. She laments biblical illiteracy, advocates for the prudent use of “little minutes,” and finds joy in sitting at a table surrounded by women with open Bibles.
She blogs at Living Our Days because “the way we live our days will be, after all, the way we live our lives.” You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
This post is part of the Shining Like Stars series. Read all of them here.
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This reminds me of my Bible study reading just yesterday, Michele. I was reading in Luke 17 where Jesus said that, as faithful servants, our only response should be to work more and do our duty without expecting thanks or some blessing for what we’ve done. The same can be said of prayer, just as you’ve pointed out. We often look at prayer like God should answer in the way we want, rather than realizing our job is simply to be faithful in prayer, day in and day out. Great thoughts, my friend! You always see through the haze and bring brilliant facets into the light for us!
You’ve made an amazing connection there, Beth! Our faithfulness in showing up in the presence of God on behalf of our family is an action that no one but God will ever see or reward.
And this is enough.
Understanding that “prayer is the epitome of dependence” can be so difficult when we are in the waiting time! Handing our problems over to Him so that His will be done is an ever present challenge of my faith! Thanks for sharing with us at The Blogger’s Pit Stop Michele!
Hi, Roseann, I share in the same struggle, claiming a knowledge that the following life is all about depending on God, and then striking out on my own as if everything depended upon me. We are always in need of reminders that God stands ready to get under the burdens with us every single day.
I loved finding Michele’s words here today! Prayer can easily feel tricky, like we’re not doing it right or enough. But I’m learning God loves every word I say to Him whenever I say it. So I’m trying to talk to Him more. And it’s been so good!
Isn’t it incomprehensible that God loves the sound of our voices? I never want to lose the wonder of it!
I believe that the key to prayer is faith and hope. I recently read that prayer is like climbing into Gods beautiful lap and having a talk with your Father. I love that!
Oh, I love that too, Wendy. Isn’t it amazing that we get to draw near to Him? No barriers, just a patient Father eager to hear from His children.
What a gorgeous image, Wendy! It always brings me joy and humility to know that God is ready to meet us MORE than half way in order for us to be close.
When I saw the title, Successful prayers, how to get prayers right, I braced myself for some kind of 1,2,3 formula to get your prayers answered. Then I saw the author, Michele, and knew it would be good. And it was. Prayer is not manipulating God. Loved your wise words today, Michele.
I’m glad you were pleasantly surprised, Debbie. 🙂 Try as we might, there’s no getting prayer “right”, at least not in the way the world often prescribes success. It’s more like leaning on, trusting and waiting — knowing that we are always beginners, often clueless and always in awe of a God who has a perfect plan — even when we don’t understand it.
Oh, what a relief! Thanks, Debbie, for voicing your own frustration with formulaic approaches to prayer. We have the ear of God Almighty, and he loves us with an everlasting love, be he will not be tamed by us, even in our prayer life!
What an encouraging post! Yes, prayer is always a new encounter with God and there is no formula to follow. And yes, perseverance and hope are the keys to “successful” prayer life, not the answers we get. One reason I think we can not make the answers indicators of success is because some of the answers of our prayers would be manifested in the next generations. With God, there are no unanswered prayers.
I love this, Hadassah–it’s so true that our answers to prayer may not come in our lifetime, and we have to trust God for future grace. The justice or the salvation or the healing we long for may take place, but not in our sight or in our time.
Blessings to you, and thank you for this focus on the eternal perspective that God alone has.
Michele,
I REALLY needed your post today. I’ve been praying, as you know, about my adult children for some time now. I trust God is moving, but there is silence. I have questioned myself: Am I praying the right way? Am I praying in accordance with God’s will? What is my motivation? All these questions swim around in my head. Yes, I suppose I’d like my prayer to be successful, but you hit the nail on the head that our prayers are not so much about the outcome as they are about our being conformed into the likeness of the Son. Jesus certainly trusted and He certainly prayed, “Not my will, but Your’s be done.” God certainly is molding me and I have to be content living with the mystery of prayer.
Blessings,
Bev xx
So well said, Bev… content living with the mystery of prayer. I know I like answers. I like to see the outcome. I like knowing what to expect. God usually has other plans. Michele’s post reminded me to keep showing up, waiting if necessary and trusting God to mold me as I do.
Blessings to you and thanks for your visit. You’re always welcome!
Your faith in this particular ongoing prayer request has been a great encouragement to me (and I’m sure many others!) as you lean into the sovereignty of God and trust his heart of love toward your children. In the meantime, thank you, Bev, for your willingness to keep showing up in his presence and trusting him with outcomes.
Beautiful site Marva! I love this series you’ve got going. Thanks for the post on prayer Michele. I love your points here.
Tweeted and pinned.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Always good to hear from you Patsy!
Thanks for your kind words, Patsy. It’s a pleasure to have you here and I pray you were blessed by Michele’s words as much as I was.
Oh Michele, I was nodding my head through your entire post. You share so much insight! This:
“Is prayer a lever for moving the universe according to my whims, or is it a tool for molding my will to God’s?”
was such a beautiful reminder that prayer is so much more than we often make it. It is a yielding of our will to God’s, a trusting Him in the unknowns of our seasons. As in other aspects of our walks with Jesus, we have our roles in things, and God has His. It seems like, in prayer, our role is to bring our hearts, our petitions, praises, brokenness to God. His role is to mold and guide us as we walk with Him through our seasons.
Yes! And even with all this “knowledge” I catch myself coming to God with my lists, praying prescriptively as if I am qualified to advise God on the “appropriate” action to take in the lives of all my loved ones. I’m learning (slowly) to hold my requests before him, trusting that he knows the best course of action (or inaction in some cases!).
I never feel as though I get prayer “right” even at my age. I guess that’s the point, isn’t it? To come with a humble heart, a beginner, a novice, open to God’s will, not MY will. Loved your thoughts on the topic!
Always learning, always receiving, always humbly aware of our position before God while knowing that we are greatly loved.
Thanks, Laurie!
Prayer is one of those aspects of the Christian life I feel I’ll never fully master. After 4 decades of practicing, I just feel I have more to learn. But I’ve come to enjoy the process of learning because prayer changes me and, whether I “do it right” or not, it draws me closer to Jesus. I love your encouragement to persevere in prayer, Michele.
“Practicing” is the perfect word to use with our prayer life, Jana.
And this is one instance in which I can wholeheartedly say that practice will (one day) make perfect as we are drawn closer and closer to Him throughout this life and into the next.
I often question myself in the understanding of prayer. There are days when I pray that I feel like Jesus is right there beside me. Then there are days my mind gets so distracted and I then do feel as if I need to get through my “Prayer time.” I know I need the help of the Holy Spirit guiding me. I have to quiet my soul so I can be focused to listen. I do feel like a beginner as if I’ve only scratched the surface….the hard prayers that I pray for God to get the attention of my adult children, praying God’s will be done and I plead He gives grace as He pulls them toward Him. Michele, your words stirred my heart this morning.
I’m so glad that we can come together in this space and admit that we are working hard at prayer, but just not always feeling successful in our efforts or in our “methods.” I think we have to acknowledge that need of the Spirit’s guidance in prayer even more so than in Scripture reading, because we can power through a chapter or two on our own juice, hardly scratching the surface, maybe, but unaware of our need. Prayer is different, and we sense the need for relationship.
And I hear your heart as a mum of adult children. We want God’s will for them, and it’s so hard to trust when we can’t see the next step.
Blessings to you in this journey of following — and trusting the heart of God.
I always feel like a beginner at prayer. Prayer remains a mystery leaving much to always be learned. But one thing we know – we need to pray. It is the means by which we communicate with God and He with us. It is in and through prayer that our lives are changed, and we become more like Him. Prayer is the avenue where hope is delivered into our lives and circumstances. So grateful our Father invites us to come into His Presence and be with Him. Wonderful and encouraging post! Thank you Michele, and Marva, for blessing me this morning!
The awareness that we are always beginners gives us all kinds of hope! There’s so much to learn, and all of it is good! And I love your take away, Joanne: We need to pray!
If we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with the enormity of all we do not know, we will never grow in our prayer life. I always come back to the importance of RELATIONSHIP in our walk with God. We make it all kinds of other things, but it comes down to his invitation to be part of his forever family–and family talks!
As many years as I’ve been a Christian, I still feel like a beginner. I don’t know if I can ever be a successful “pray-er,” but I do want to become a success at making going to my father my default response no matter what happens!
Me, too, Jerralea. Prayer is the spiritual practice that reveals all the cracks in my theology and my impatience and control issues. It’s incomprehensible to me that God delights in my company and ants to hear my voice. What a great gift!
In many ways I think we succeed first in praying by stopping to do it. It is such a lost art and gift for so many. Too often we perceive prayer is not successful only because it was not answered as we wish or in the time we wish. You’re very right there.
For me prayer changed when it became a relationship, a dialogue with both speaking and listening to the Lord. I had been through so many workshops about how to pray and steps about praying that the whole privilege and joy of being with Him and sharing my heart got lost.
Prayer is first of all something that changes us more than gets us to something we asked for and waiting on whatever his answer is often is what accomplishes his purposes.
Oh, I do hear you! The more we read about it and talk about doing it, the more our hearts get lost (as you said so well). And, like you, I’ve experienced the waiting that changes us while we’re not looking. So true that it’s about relationship and dialogue, and so often we fail to leave room for the listening!
Thanks, Pam, for offering prayer wisdom here–and we learn it in the rub of daily living!
What defines a successful prayer? I love the way you’re challenging us to think about this, Michele. “When it comes to prayer, we are always beginners.” Amen to that.
Our concept of “success” is so results-oriented. I cringe sometimes when I read book titles and articles that make huge promises about answers to prayer that I find unsubstantiated in Scripture. Prayer is the spiritual discipline that challenges me and, very often, puts me to shame, so it’s a gift to have the opportunity to think out loud here about it together with friends today.
You’ve hit on so many points that I love, especially that prayer is not a formula and it’s more a matter of conforming my will to His than His to mine. I’ll have to remember “prayer-as-referendum.” I’ve pondered that at times, especially when something is weighing on my heart and I conscript everyone I know to pray for me.
What I go back to most often is that prayer is a child talking to her Father who loves her and wants her best.
I love all the examples of prayer we have in the Bible. One of my favorites is Nehemiah’s quick one before answering the king. But I also love the variety in the psalms, whether joyful and praising or agonizing and questioning. I love that we can talk to Him about anything any time.
Now you have sent me searching Nehemiah for that prayer! Thanks for offering your wisdom here. So much to learn and all so crucial!
Oh, Michele! I can’t tell you how much this resonates with me. I’ve been pondering and writing much about prayer recently and often feeling like I was coming up short in my prayer life. But I kept feeling like God was saying just pray and keep on praying- no matter how it looks. It’s as if the act of approaching God in ‘supplication, celebration, and anticipation’ was the thing and not the sound, length, or human-judged quality of my prayer. Thanks for confirming what God has been saying. And thanks Marv for sharing Michele with us.🙂
It gives me so much joy to know that we’re both pondering and persevering in this practice of prayer. if we listen to the culture at large, we’ll be “disappointed” — with our efforts, and even with God! Thank you for leaning into the truth that our prayer life is not merely a tool for manipulating the will of God to conform with our own, but rather a conversation in which we lay our lives and our many-splendored wants before the Lord of the Universe and agree with his right to have the last word.