Is it just me or does anyone else have trouble pulling off family dinner? Getting everyone around the dinner table is the first hurdle. Keeping them there, well that’s another story.
I’m sure we’ve all heard of the many benefits that we get when families share a meal together. Most studies suggest that families should aim to sit down together for a home-cooked family meal three times a week or more. Doing so, we’re told, helps our kids to be healthier, happier and better adjusted. Who doesn’t want that?
A recent Children’s MD article suggests that family dinner time helps to:
- Prevent excessive weight gain in children
- Teach kids about healthy food choices
- Prevent eating disorders
- Improve children’s social-emotional health
- Equip kids to deal with cyberbullying
See the full article here.
Benefits like those can motivate us to make the extra effort to coordinate the many different schedules, after-school clubs and work obligations, in order to make family dinner happen.
So once you’ve pulled off the almost impossible feat of getting everyone to the table, then what? How do you keep the kids at the table, and frankly speaking, how do you engage them? What should you talk about?
In my home, we recently started a new routine that helps us answer those questions. What first started as a bedtime routine between just my son and I, soon took on a life of its own for our family of four. We use breakfast time to read a devotion together, so now during our family dinner time, we focus on three simple questions, taking turns around the table to share about our day.
Feel free to give it a try and let me know how it goes.
Ask each other:
What were the highlights of your day?
What were the lowlights of your day?
What were the sparklelights of your day?
1. Highlights
We all love these. Highlights focus on all the things that went well during the day. They bring us joy and usually we can’t wait to talk about them. One child might share about a good grade on a spelling quiz, while the other might share about a funny joke they heard earlier that day. The highlights could be big or small, but for sure they put a smile on our faces.
2. Lowlights
As much as we would like, life is not all sparkles. (Don’t I wish?!) In the real world, there will always be some bumps in the road. The lowlights of our day are those times when things didn’t go as we would have liked. They include disappointments, embarrassing moments, and painful encounters.
I try not to refer to lowlights in a negative way. While these parts of our day don’t make us shout for joy, they still have value. Quite often they present a valuable teaching opportunity. Sometimes our kids, look back on their lowlights and we are able to laugh together about that silly, embarrassing moment. Yet, there are times when a situation is very sad or even painful for them, like a BFF who no longer wants to be friends. Ouch!
Sharing lowlights in a supportive environment such as the dinner table, helps us to look at them objectively and be reminded that life is not all bad. Our children get to see that grownups have problems too (although we try to keep our lowlights simple for them) and we get to problem-solve together. We sometimes prompt them with questions such as ‘So what do you think your brother should do in that situation?’ or ‘What lessons do you think your sister could learn from this?’ I love those moments when they help each other out and we are often amazed by the ideas and encouragement they offer.
If we were to stop at just lowlights, the dinnertime conversation would not be complete. Lowlights with all their value can still leave the air feeling a bit heavy. Instead, we prefer to end on a high note and that’s where the last question comes in.
Tweet This3. Sparklelights
This is simply that spark in your day when you do something kind for someone else in the spirit of loving your neighbours (Matthew 22:39). Sparklelights take the focus off of us, and put it on others, and this is something that we are constantly trying to teach our kids. After all, life does not revolve around them, even though they might think so.
When we first started talking about sparklelights, we would find the kids doing simple little things in order to brag about it at dinnertime. “I found his pen”, my daughter would say. Or my favourite one from my son, “I gave Mommy a hug and kiss”. (He knows how I love his hugs and kisses and now that he’s 10 they are few and far between!)
The more we share about sparklelights, the more meaningful the acts of kindness become. Now we find that our children actively look for ways to serve others throughout their day.
Sparking Conversation
Why not start a new dinner or bedtime routine with highlights, lowlights and sparklelights?
Maybe your family situation makes it harder for family dinner to happen. Don’t despair, start where you are and work with what you have. Try to focus on sparking conversation, whether in the car, while grocery shopping together, at bedtime, or other moments that allow you can engage with your kids.
Family dinners in my home are by no means Pinterest perfect, but I really look forward to hearing my kids share about their day. I also love that they are thinking for a moment about someone other than themselves.
With highlights, lowlights and sparklelights, we just might have stumbled upon a new family tradition and it’s definitely a keeper!
Your turn
What tips do you have for making family dinner time a priority? How do you encourage your children to be kind to others? What sparklelight would you like to share from your day?
Marva, this is an awesome post! I am looking forward to using these during our next family dinner…tonight (crockpot potroast).
And I have to tell you that your blog looks AMAZING! I love how clean and fresh it looks. Just Wow!
Hi Valerie, I wish I’d seen your message earlier, I could have stopped by for dinner! 🙂 Thanks so much for your kind words about my blog. That means so much to me, sweet friend!
Hey Marva,
We love, love, love family dinners – when we can get them! Both of our kids are in college, and have crazy schedules.
When we can get everyone together, we try to make it as fun and as sweet as possible. Like your suggestion to share “sparkle lights!”
Found your post on 100 Days.
Hope you have a blessed day~
Melanie
Oooh…we meet up twice in one day, Melanie. I love that. I almost think that as tough as it is to organize family dinner now, it will only get crazier as my kids get older. You’ve just reminded me to cherish this time now. Thank you, my friend.
Great post Marva! I can identify with the struggle to get everyone to the table and keeping them there. What our family have found helpful as well is to talk about upcoming events we’ll be participating in together, memorizing a biblical verse since our eldest needs to learn a specified one each week for mid-week children’s service, discuss what we are grateful for, or simply brainstorming something fun we can do together. The kids really do enjoy the time together and is a great way of creating positive long lasting memories and meaningful traditions.
Hi Kaisma, how sweet of you to stop by and leave a comment. I’m glad you enjoyed it and can relate to the struggle of family dinner, but oh what a blessing when we pull it off! You’ve given me some great tips and I love the way your family dinner sounds. I think I might have to stop by one day. 🙂 Sending you blessings and lots of hugs to go around!
I love your take on discussing the “lowlights.” We should use these as teachable moments and dinner time, when the family is all together, is a great time to re-frame these happenings in less negative terms so we can see their value. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Shannon! If only life could be all highlights, right? Well thankfully God give us all of them to help keep us grateful and focused on him. Thanks for your kind words!
Wonderful post, Marva! What a great way to connect with those we love at the dinner table. Thanks so much for sharing, Love! GOD bless you! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by Tai, I’m so glad to have you. Your words brighten my day. Wishing you blessings, my friend!
I love these ideas! : ) I had heard about sharing highlights before, but I really like that you add in the low lights and the sparkle lights. I think that would add so much depth to a conversation that is really important. Thanks!
So glad you loved it, Meredith! If you ever try adding lowlights and sparklelights please let me know how it goes. Thanks for sharing some love!
This is chocked full of great ideas and insight! I love including “lowlights” and “sparkle lights” along with “highlights”. The addition of these two really give a much deeper view into the lives around the table!
So glad you enjoyed it, Pam. Here’s to great family conversation around the dinner table. Thanks for stopping by and sharing some sparkle!
By the way, Pam, what a lovely blog and beautiful tablescape on your home page. I can just imagine the great dinner conversation that flows around such a beautiful setting. Just sent a request to follow you on Twitter. Sending you blessings!
I have a friend who always asks me what the highlight and lowlight of my day was when she sees me- it’s such a great conversation starter. I’ve never heard the “sparklight” one before- I love it. : )
Hi Dawn, thanks for stopping by. Yes, we find these are great ways to get the conversation flowing. “Sparklelight” is our own little family word. Perhaps the next time you see your friend you can introduce it to her. 😉
Marva…I just loved how you not only bring your family together at dinner time but how you all make it special and engaging. Our kids are adults now and we still eat dinner together—point being its more than routine when you make it more than routine. We do all our catching up and discussions around a meal at the end of the day. I so loved this I shared it on my WJIM’s FB page. Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂
Hi Naomi, how sweet of you to stop by, comment and share. That is so amazing that your family enjoys dinner together still. It’s clear that the effort you put into making it a priority earlier on has now paid off.
Love this, Marva. This is one of my favorite topics too (I’m like Belinda below!) In fact I have a post on family dinner planned for my editorial calendar in a few weeks. One hint I’d have would be to be flexible, especially as kids get involved in sports. When my son had a tutoring job from 5-7, we all sucked it in and ate later to be together. At worst, if someone couldn’t make it to family dinner, we’d all make it a point to gather around the table a few minutes with him while he ate.
Hi Betsy, thanks so much for that tip on being flexible. There would be no point in getting stressed out when family dinner doesn’t go according to plan and life really does have a way of throwing things off. I love how your family gathered around the table for your son’s late dinner. That shows such great commitment and love. What a great example! Please let me know when your post is live. I’d love to read and share it!
Good Morning, Marva!
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been praying about a way that I could encourage other bloggers who have been encouraging me. Through your ministry, posts, words, comments, and faithfulness—your life has been a blessing to mine, and I wanted others to know about you!
So, I compiled a list of those bloggers who I’ve personally found to be the MOST INSPIRATIONAL on the web.
You are ONE Of these bloggers – in my estimation!
You can find the link to the list where you are featured here: http://www.melanieredd.com/the-100-most-inspiring-christian-blogs-on-the-web/
I’ve also signed up to get your emails, and tried to follow you on your social media outlets!
I pray that God will encourage you today through these simple acts~
Melanie
Melanie, you just made my day and brought tears to my eyes! Yes, I am definitely encouraged by your very kind and unexpected gesture. I checked out your list and I am humbled to be included in such an amazing line-up of inspiring writers. I truly appreciate your generosity and sweet encouragement. You are indeed a shining star! I pray that you will continue to share the sparkle and be that amazing light for Christ! Sending you a big HUG and a heart felt THANK YOU!!!
This would have to be one of my most favourite topics to talk about! Having meaningful family meal times. We are in a new season of family life – older kids coming and going with different schedules than each other (very different than when we were homeschooling and all doing much the same things at the same time!!) so finding days which we all prioritise as family meal times has been the first thing we are working on. So far we are prioritising 2-3 meals a week which is excellent!! The biggest tip I would give is for someone (mum or dad) to go to the table with a plan, with some idea of a conversation starter. It might be like your 3 points here – or it may be a Bible verse (last night we talked about how does Prov 31 apply to men), it might be an issue the family needs to deal with, it might be a current affair or a meme seen on facebook. But if at least one person is prepared to make sure conversation happens – it is more likely to happen.
Hi Belinda! Isn’t it funny how we do this constant dance as life’s seasons change over time? Kudos to you for still making family meals a priority! I really appreciate you sharing your tip about being prepared (I love that) along with some of the practicals that work for your family. It helps to see what’s working for others that we can try. Just for stopping by, I’m sending some sparkle your way! 🙂