We try. We do. We do some more.
Then we wonder why it isn’t enough.
It’s a hoax, you see. We’ve bought into the lie. And still we can’t understand why it’s not working out for us.
The ‘it’ I’m talking about is the myth of having it all. It seems to be the goal of all aspiring successful women.
We think — no, we believe — with every fiber of our beings that we can have it all. And this is one of the many lies women believe.
The killer career, the devoted husband, the well-behaved kids and of course the white picket fence to make everything look pretty on the outside.
And why not? Isn’t that what we’re told we need to be happy?
So we spend a lifetime trying to get there only to realise, ‘hang on a second, this is not where I want to be’. Or worse, ‘this is not WHO I want to be’.
Tweet ThisMaybe this isn’t your story. Maybe you do have it all and you’re loving it. And in fact, you’re striving for more. Or perhaps you’re wise to the lie and refuse to get on the ‘have-it-all-by-30’ bandwagon. Or whatever the going number is these days.
But is it possible that you’ve bought into the lie too?
A wise man once told me something that I’ll never forget. I was celebrating my birthday and he was wishing me well. He recalled the success that I’d had in my career, reaching to the top of my field. He also hinted at how proud he was of the little family my husband and I had started. But then he went on to say something quite unexpected.
“You’re now in the second half of your life”, he said. “You spent the first half building, striving, making a name for yourself. Now it’s time to give back. To slow down. To help others.”
I wish I had recorded him. I wish he were here to say these words to me now.
That was the last birthday I celebrated with my father and it was him who spoke those wise words. Words that have stayed with me and made me ponder many aspects of my life.
He was right, of course.
I really did spend what felt like a lifetime striving. ‘When I get this…then I’ll…’ ‘First let me do this, then we could…’ There was always something more to reach for. Something else that I thought would satisfy me. Not yet learning that God is enough for me.
And this dream of ‘having it all’? Oh how it plagued me. But over time, life was teaching me some lessons.
I was already on a journey before he said those words but he crystalised what I now know to be true: I can have it all, yes, but not all at the same time. Recently, I read that Oprah Winfrey was credited with saying that too. Wise words, indeed.
I have since come to believe that having it all, comes at a price. We pay when we sacrifice areas such as our:
- relationships
- health
- peace of mind
- spiritual fulfillment
Perhaps we need to stop and ask ourselves if it’s worth it.
— Is my goal to be the best in my field worth sacrificing the time I get to spend with my kids?
— Should I really put off going to the doctor just because it’s not convenient with my work schedule? (Yes, I’ve been there.)
— Is working an extra job worth compromising my devotional time?
Have you been there?
If you’re there right now, I encourage you to pause for a moment. Consider what it is you’re really running after and the price you’ll likely pay to get there. Maybe it will be worth it. Maybe not.
The good news is, we don’t have to pay the price for this terrible lie — this myth that tries to convince us that ‘having it all’ is what we really need. We can choose another path based on godly wisdom.
Proverbs 16 is a good place to start. No matter what goals I might have, it is God who will determine my steps. Turning to him for direction and wisdom is the best thing I can do.
In another post, I will share some practical tips to help us bust the myth of having it all and help us recognize when the price tag is too steep. There are many lies women believe but we don’t have to believe this one!
What about you?
What price have you paid in your pursuit of having it all?
What advice can you give for the woman who’s trying to balance everything in order to have it all?
How can we offer our daughters a better way?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Wishing you blessings,
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I tried to have it all, a career, husband, house, two under two, healthy life, etc. It did not go well. I just quit my job. It may be possible for some people and their circumstances to have it all, but under mine it is not possible. Maybe when my kids are older I can.
Thanks so much for linking up at the #BloggersSpotlight party! I pinned this to our group board. Don’t forget to come link up again tonight and see the featured posts!
That’s the thing, Hil, we can have many things but in different seasons, otherwise we wear ourselves thin. I’m still learning and tweaking as I go, but with God’s help and wise counsel, I’m making much wiser choices than without.
I’d love to visit the #BloggerSpotlight party again. Hope to see you there soon!
Your father was a wise man and we should take his words to heart. I don’t believe we can have it all, define having it all too. I believe these words and I also do believe that something always suffers when, especially women, strive to be all, do all and achieve all. You offer great insight and I bet if we were sitting around a table with other women, this discussion would rise many blood pressures. Thanks for sharing at my party.
You’re right, Michelle, this view is not the most popular and certainly it tends to raise eyebrows and blood pressure. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and for the kind words regarding my father. I enjoyed visiting and linking up at your party and hope to be back again soon.
What wise words your father shared! I think we spend most of our 20’s believing this lie. We try to work so hard towards things to get bigger and better, but there are so many thing that are more important. Thanks for sharing this encouragement with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and leaving such kind words, Kelly. I was happy to find #SocialButterfulSunday and read so many beautiful posts, including yours. I will definitely be back. Blessings!
That is a sweet story about your father, Marva. It is so important to realize we can’t have and do it all. (For me HAVING it all is not as tempting as DOING it all! 🙂 ) I like to try to remember that I can do some things well on a given day, and other things well on another day. Only my family. They’re everyday priority. 🙂
So true, Betsy. I’m a ‘do-er’ through and through as well. Having realistic expectations for myself would certainly help. Thanks for that word of advice and for stopping by.
I really love this article! I love the idea of not defining having it all by the world’s standards but by God’s standards! You’re right, He will guide our steps. Last year I left my full time career to be a stay at home wife with my military husband and soon-to-be stay at home mom to our baby girl (due to arrive in the next couple of weeks!). I never thought I’d stop climbing the career ladder but this is where the Lord has led me, and I’m grateful for it! Thanks for the encouraging post!
Bree, I’m glad you stopped by and found this encouraging. I’m so excited about this new phase of your life and all that God has in store. I too made that decision to switch from a full time, full-speed ahead career to a more manageable schedule. It was by far one of the best decisions I ever made!
I pray that God will continue to guide your steps as you seek to follow his lead. I’m wishing you well as you prepare to welcome your new bundle of joy. May you be filled with joy overflowing!
What a wonderful memory from your father! Thanks for the reminder of this!
Thank you, Beth. It certainly is one of my more treasured memories of my time with him, simply because of the lasting impact it has had. Thanks for stopping by!
Love this Marva! There IS a price to pay when we sacrifice our families to other priorities!
There sure is, Lil. I find I have to constantly reassess my priorities to see if it’s a price I want to pay. Thanks for stopping by!
What a good question: “What price have you paid in your pursuit of having it all?” Definitely one we all need to ask ourselves.
My goal of perfectionism cost me some time with my girls. I’m not making that same mistake with my grandkids!
Jerralea, I’m glad your grandkids are benefitting from the lessons you’ve learned. Prayerfully grace covers over any time you’ve lost with your girls and you can continue to build beautiful memories with them. As long as there is life there is hope! Be encouraged, dear friend.
Such beautiful advice, Marva! It is so important to not get sucked into that cycle of “the next thing”! I love what your father told you. What a wise man he was!
Hugs,
Lori
Thank you, Lori. I’m very blessed to have benefited from my father’s good advice. Glad that it’s now helping others.
I’d say that my advice (I think I might be old enough to give some ;)) is that. You can’t have it all. You can be pretty successfull at some things, but the more you take on, the less success or happiness you’ll find. God. Family. Self-care. Friends. Work (notice that people come before work).
Wise words, indeed, Anita! People come before work. I’ll have to remember that. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom — they’re always welcomed here. 🙂
Wise words, my new friend! Thank you for sharing! Coming to you from The Loft
Thanks for stopping by from the Loft, DeAnna. We’re in CBB together and I can’t believe that I haven’t visited your blog until today. Will definitely make it a point to stop by again soon!
What a wise word, Marva!
I’m sharing this post today all over and tomorrow on FB!
And, you are so right – we cannot have it all. God has used your words to really speak to my heart today!
I hope you have a blessed day~
Melanie
Hi Melanie, I’m so grateful for you passing this along. I pray that others will be blessed by the message God has put on my heart. As you can imagine, I’m speaking to myself too. 🙂 Blessings to you, dear friend!
I love this line:” I wish I had recorded him. I wish he were here to say these words to me now.” The truth is that He is with you because from your heart to his you wrote these lines of encouragement, truth and the treasure of real (and I mean real) contentment. Contentment is not in having it all, but in knowing Jesus Christ is our all in all.
Thank you, Christine. Your sweet words have encouraged me to tears. My father’s words remain with me and are evident by the impact they’ve had on my life. I feel such a sense of relief and peace knowing that I am walking in a path that would please both my father on earth AND my Father in heaven. Don’t worry, these are tears of joy!
Blessings to you!
Thanks for the reminder. We really only have it all when we focus on having God live through us. He is our All-in-All and He is enough. We just need to remember to let Him be. We would love for you to link up this post with us at the Literacy Musing Mondays Linkup #LMMLinkup http://www.foreverjoyful.net/?p=859
Leslie, I like that contrast: having it all versus having the All-in-All. 🙂 If it was one or the other, I know which one I’ll choose.
Thanks for your sweet words and the suggestion to join the #LMMLinkup. I just stopped by and it seems like I’ve been missing out all this time. I’ll be sure to visit again soon!
Marva, you are right on point with this! I say that as a retired woman whose life was full of much doing (most of it good and truly ministry), but one aware of how fast life goes when you are living it. My children grew up faster than I could have guessed and now my grandchildren are doing so we well. I knew the value of time and not letting it slip through my fingers, but each year I live I want it to slow its pace so I can savor the best things just a little longer. I also know that the good things, perhaps great things, I have done for Him were never a requirement for His love and acceptance. Along the way, He showed me often that on those days I put my time with Him first in the morning, I got more done throughout the day than on days I felt there was too much to do to take the time. Each season comes with its own gifts and challenges, but we will never recognize them for what they are and learn what He has for us unless we take the time to discern that. Blessings on your day! Visiting today as your neighbor on Purposeful Faith.
What timely advice that is, Pam. In spite of my good intentions I sometimes rush through my day without sitting at the Lord’s feet. Every now and then I need reminders like yours about the blessing we have when we put him first. Plus your point about enjoying every season isn’t lost on me. In the midst of mothering an 8 and 10 year old, I wish I could enjoy every moment but as you can imagine there are days when it feels like an uphill battle. Thankfully, I can find encouragement in your words.
I’m so glad you stopped by to share your insights with me and my readers. You are a blessing!
So true- there is so much pressure (which we often put on ourselves too) to think that life should be a certain way or we should have certain things, or live up to the world’s idea of “success”. But what if God’s plan and God’s idea of success are different? That’s something he has been challenging me about a lot- seeking him first and putting time and energy into the things that really matter. Visiting from Testimony Tuesday.
Hi Carly, I can relate to putting too much pressure on ourselves; sometimes I laugh and tell my friends that most of my stress is ‘self-inflicted’. 🙂
I’m so glad God’s calling you to seek him first. I’ve seen for myself that when I put him first my entire life takes on a whole new purpose. And you’re right, I’m seeing that his view is very different from the world’s.
Thanks for stopping by!
Love this, Marva! We do get caught up in the lie that if we don’t have it all we’re not enough. Rev and I, with children grown, look at each other each day and realize the blessing of contentment. It’s huge. We don’t need to go anywhere, be anywhere, or have anything to be happy. We thank God for the gift of contentment every day. We’ve decided it’s better than “having it all.” Blessings to you my friend!
Deb, I always appreciate the wisdom you share and the glimpses of godly life I get every time you stop by. I pray to get to that place where I’m satisfied with God alone and by His grace I’ll get there. I’m so glad you and Rev can sit back and bask in His glory. I pray you treasure this season!
Pinned, tweeted (thrice), and AMENED!!! All the way through. I’ve always put my family first and said no when I realized things were too busy. But in this phase of life (empty nesting, blogging, caregiving), the list seems endless. But especially the blogging list. It’s never enough, it seems. Your dad gave wise words, and I want to pour out my life too, but I’ve got to take care of myself – and that’s who’s coming in dead last these days! 😉 Thanks, Marva. Good wisdom. Thanks for visiting each week on Tuesday Talk!
Hi Ruthie, it’s my pleasure to visit you and cheer you on at #TuesTalk. I love what you’re doing there and I you always have a good word of encouragement for my parenting journey.
You’ve been pouring yourself out for a long time and I love that you continue to do so but as you said, you do need to be wise and take care of yourself. Keep in tune with God and I’m sure he will guide you to the next right thing. Blessings, my friend!
I loved your article on many levels. I have been in the rat race and worked every minute running after that cheese. I had no time for friends, relatives, celebrations nothing.
And then I decided to go slow and smell the roses.
And i Am glad I did it
I’m so glad you slowed down too! I’m very familiar with that rat race and the burdens it brings. It was so draining. Thankfully God’s faithfulness remains no matter what.
We are a goal driven society. I’m goal driven too, I’ve just got different goals than some other. I want to have it all too, but my “have it all” is to have a family who loves the Lord and loves each other. To have children who want to serve the Lord, etc. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on what having it all could cost 🙂
That’s one lofty goal that the Lord would happily bless, Renee. I am a firm believer that ‘having it all’, if it’s even possible, should be defined by God’s standards not ours. I’m looking forward to exploring this concept even more and would love to have you join in the discussion.
Thanks for the visit!