I’m not exactly sure when it happened. One minute I was me. Next minute, ‘who’s this?’. Somewhere between saying ‘yes’ and having my first child, I lost her. Me.
And if you’re like me, you’re not even sure where she went. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I just know that for a really long time, my personal identity seemed like it wasn’t mine anymore. Who I was, was wrapped up in who others needed me to be.
This is the scenario for many women.
As we ‘grow up’ and take on more and more responsibilities, we lose sight of…well, us.
Do you remember who you were before you took that fancy job?
What about before you got married?
Before kid #1?
Let’s not even talk about kid #4!
I encourage you today to find the woman you lost and ask her to come out to play. Because she’s been missing out on this grand affair we call life.
You might think it’s been too long, but trust me, she’s been waiting for this very moment.
How do I know?
Tweet ThisTell me if any of these sound familiar:
- You often think of your past as ‘the good ol’ days’
- You look wistfully at someone who’s living your dream life
- When you reflect on your day, all days seem the same
- You silently resent your husband, the kids, the dog
- You ignore that nagging feeling telling you something’s missing
- You long for someone to call you by your first name
- Your heart still tugs, when you think about your childhood dreams.
Oh, and by the way, you’re probably wondering, ‘what are dreams again’?
Yep, I can relate. But guess what? Sometimes we need to recognize what we’ve lost before we can find it.
First of all, let me encourage you with these words:
God has amazing plans for your life! (Jeremiah 29:11)
So we know for sure that God wants us to live brilliant, hopeful lives for Him.
Secondly, God has set you apart. Just you. (Jeremiah 1:5) By the way, this guy Jeremiah is on to something! 🙂
Yes, you can have a personal identity apart from being so-and-so’s wife and so-and-so’s mommy! It’s completely possible but it’s going to take some effort.
Stay tuned for Part 2, where I’ll share some tips on rekindling your spark. Be sure to sign up for Sparkle Highlights so you don’t miss it.
Let’s sparkle together!
Your turn
Which of the 7 signs jumped out at you? C’mon, you can tell us!
What tips do you have for rekindling your spark?
Wishing you blessings,
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I’m so pleased that this post has been featured at Grace & Truth!
Years ago when I was about 20, my grandmother was in her 70s. During a conversation she told me: One day I woke up and saw this old lady in the mirror with gray hair and wrinkles but I don’t know where she came from!
Fast forward to today . . . I can now fully understand and appreciate her words. I have looked in the mirror and asked, “Who are you??”
Yes, time keeps on slipping into the future, with or without me. I choose to see each day as a gift from God and live it as such. This helps to quiet those 7 points of yours (plus the others on my personal list) and just keep moving forward one step at a time.
We don’t know what is in a gift until we unwrap it. So I just keep unwrapping these gifts from God with the expectation that it will be better than yesterday’s no matter what it is . . . because God only gives good gifts. 😀
Nann, thank you for sharing such amazing wisdom here! Time really does keep ticking away but I love how you embrace each day as a beautiful gift from God. I will do my best to remember these wise words. Wishing you blessings!
I love this, Marva!! It is so easy to lose our dreams and passions – lose the life that God has placed in our hearts. I am featuring you on Grace and Truth today. Be sure to stop by my site and get your “I was featured” button!
What a pleasant surprise, Aimee! I feel completely honoured. I’m so glad this post spoke to you in a special way — I see how God is bringing us closer together on a heart level and I can’t wait to see what He will do next. Hugs!
Love this explains where I am right now!
Yep, I know now I’m not alone in feeling this way! We’re kindred spirits, April. Let’s stay close to God to find our true source of contentment.
Blessings!
Marva, I think this is my very favorite post of yours. You are addressing a topic that we, as women in particular, feel in the depths of our souls. We deny who God created us to be in order to be what everyone around us needs us to be. I’m so thankful you are doing this and can’t wait for part 2!
Hugs,
Lori
Oh, Lori, you bless me so much, my friend! Thanks for your kind words and constant encouragement. I hope you enjoy Part 2 as well. Hugs!
I definitely agree with all your points Marva! And it is true, once you sign up for all these new “roles”, you loose the most important role – you! But, I have come to terms that this is just a new me … I still have to go out and be myself – but I am a mom now, and that is important too … maybe I just have growing pains sometimes!
Thanks for the share!
I love that, Jaclyn: this is a new me with growing pains and all! Thanks for sharing your sparkle with us! 🙂
Marva, you are so right about certain seasons of a woman’s life. It can be far too easy to begin to see ourselves as our roles. One of the other challenges with that tendency is that when that season is over and our children have moved out of the home, we are at a total loss for the possibility season ahead. I think a key is staying connected to the Lord even in the super busy early seasons of parenting because He holds our identity and His dreams for us in His hands and will lead us through each season to His fulfillment in our lives if we will not lose sight of that.
Thanks for this encouragement, Pam. I see a theme running through all the discussions here and that is to stay connected to God. He is the only sure and secure thing we have in this life. Our roles might change, our perspectives as well, but Jesus is forever the same. Always faithful.
Blessings to you!
Marva, I try to keep my eyes on Jesus for the plans, the hope, and the future He has for me…looking back at how He has been there all along…many blessings to you ❤️
You know, Beth, recalling God’s faithfulness is such a great encouragement to me. Knowing that He’s come through for me in the past gives me hope for the future. And you’re right, we do need to keep our eyes on Him!
Thanks for visiting and taking part in the conversation. You sparkle!
Whew, have not lost the spark yet! I am tired, so tired (4 kids will do that to you), but I am happy! I love your checklist. It is funny how sometimes we just need to connect with someone that doesn’t call us Mom!
Hahaha, Jenn. I’m tired with 2 kids, I can hardly imagine 4! Yes, hearing my real name is music to my ears. 🙂
Thanks for visiting and sharing your sparkle!
Ya I lost who I was years ago now I don’t know how to get her back I’m not who I used to be and I hate who I am now
Rebecca, you’re not alone in feeling this way. So many have lost their way and wondering how they got there. I pray that you will find clarity and hope! One thing I know for sure is that God does not disappoint — as a matter of fact, he promises in Jeremiah 29:11-13 that when we seek Him with all our hearts He will be found by us. He says He will bring us back from captivity. My prayer is that God will help you find your way. Reach out to Him and pray to Him and He will help you through. Please know that God’s plan is for you to have a bright future! I know it’s sometimes hard to see what God is doing in the moment, but hold on and trust Him. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.
Thank you so much for openly sharing your heart. Please know that there is light at the end of this tunnel. I’ll be praying for you!
Blessings!
What a practical and helpful post, Marva!
I’m encouraged to keep the spark and not lose it.
#3 hits home with me.
Sharing this one today!
Blessings,
Melanie
Oh, I know that feeling, Melanie. Sometimes the monotony is enough to drive me mad. Having occasional getaways and impromptu get-togethers with friends help a lot.
I’m so glad this resonated with you. Stay tuned for Part 2 and let’s shine together!
You long for someone to call you by your first name. This one jumped out at me which is kind of funny, as I am almost an empty-nester. Yet, being called by name also represents for me being known. This is more what I long for, and will be pondering! I’m looking forward to part 2!
Isn’t that right, Lynn? It really comes down to being known at a deeper level, doesn’t it?
Thanks for stopping by. I can’t wait to share part 2 with you. See you next week! 🙂
Good news – you get it back after the kids leave!!!! Seriously, our roles should not define who we are. WE define who we are in Christ. I always encourage young moms to keep doing the hobbies, playing the games, making the gym, running, all the things they enjoy even after marriage, children, jobs come along. It is important to stay true to who you are and keep yourself interesting.
Michelle, you’re so right. Who we are is determined by who we are in Christ. I need to remember to always look to His word for direction. And I love your tips about doing the things we love after marriage and kids. You hit the nail on the head!
Thank you, my friend! I always enjoy learning from your wisdom.
This is so good, Marva. I’m looking forward to reading part 2. I can relate to all of your points. It’s not so much this way anymore, but I remember well, those days when I just wanted to hear my own named called, instead of “mommy” or “teacher”.
Yes! Or “Mrs. Smith”. Or “Jadon’s Mommy”. You get my point. 🙂 Of course, I love all these roles but once in a while it’d be nice to just be me, without a label.
Can’t wait to share Part 2 with you!
Hugs, my friend!
I love this post! I am in transition and as I journey through this season, I launched my blog and FB page to reach out to women that are also experiencing some type of transition. Whether it is empty-nest, career transition, single, married, divorced or widowed, we all need the support and encouragement. This post reminds me of cherishing the past but looking forward to the future!
What a great way to minister to others as you minister to yourself, Robin. I think that’s a great idea and you have a beautiful site. I pray that many women will be encouraged and find hope there. I think I need to stop by often and get some of that myself! 🙂
Blessings!
Marva-this was so so good and packed full of wisdom. Honestly I think every one of us struggles with this on a lighter scale a lot of the time. When I sense this happening to me, I just go to God, because I KNOW that it isn’t what He has for me. I’m grateful we serve a God that is always there and has such grace and mercy for us that we can go to Him anytime!!!
You’re so right, Shannon. I believe that’s exactly what God wants for us — to turn to Him for answers and direction. And for our true identity.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you better and always love spending time on your blog. Keep shining!
It is so important for me to have quiet time in the morning to reflect and pray. This helps me keep who I am and who I was created to be front and center each day. That time with my Creator gives me direction and focus.
That’s a great point, Kelly! Knowing who we are in Christ should be front and centre of everything else. What a beautiful image of God setting our focus when we kneel before Him.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing that!
This is great, Marva! There is definitely joy in each phase of life. But for me, the busyness of each role can eclipse my vision of self. Glad for the summer break in order to inventory what God wants for me and who He wants me to be right now!!
I can completely relate, Dianne! Add to that the many hats we wear and it’s so easy to lose sight of our individualism. I’m so glad you’ll get some downtime this summer to sit a little longer at Jesus’ feet. 🙂
By the way, it’s always such a blessing to see your smiling face on my page. Hugs!!!
Oh yes! This is so relatable when I had my first child. And even part into my second pregnancy. I felt I had lost who I was. Instead I needed to realize who God says I am. This is great reminder for women as we go through the phases of motherhood. I love your site design by the way. Super easy to read!
Thanks for the compliment, Tasia! I’m glad you enjoyed visiting my page. 🙂
Yes, I felt that way as a mommy as well. Who we are can tend to become so wrapped up in motherhood, but I love how you’ve reminded us to look to God for our identity. He’s the master designer, after all!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your sparkle!